The lazy man's guide to creative traffic evasion

These days, you have to blaze your own trails inmighty grimy mighty quick, so be sure to slap on
order to avoid slogging through traffic. But you can'tsome truck mud flaps first.
just start motoring your pickup through a stranger'sFor the urban off-roader, I have just 2 words for
backyard naked. You need to have a plan of attackyou: train tracks. Any set of railroad or trolley tracks
and a few accessories along for the ride becauseis ideal for getting across town in a hurry. A few
things can get mighty hairy. Here are my thoughtswarnings, though: public transportation is notorious for
for all you intrepid traffic-phobes out there.making frequent stops, so be sure to leave plenty of
Traffic is a lot like jury duty. The only people whoroom between yourself and that big steel sausage in
have to suffer through it are the ones who don'tfront of you. Also, this technique can get a tad
have enough sense to dodge it. Now, we all know abumpy, so I don't recommend eating a Slim Jim while
million and one ways to thumb our nose at civicyou do it, unless you have no gag reflex. What's
responsibilities, but getting out of gridlock requiresmore, tunnels can get damn dark, so I'd suggest
some higher-order thinking. I mean, you can't justadding some Piaa lights onto your truck. That and a
show up at the freeway onramp nibbling on a rawset of sturdy shocks are about all you need to start
hotdog without any pants on and expect everyoneup your very own Blue Line.
to get out of your way like they do down at theWell, those ideas should give you a good starting
courthouse. Here are a handful of ideas on how youpoint for figuring out how the best, most reckless
can creatively make your way around town withoutmethod for steering clear of traffic. The only other
ever having to idle away on an overpass.nugget of wisdom I can impart on all of you budding
As people move farther and farther away from theautomotive anarchists is this: don't skimp on seat
cities, suburbs and exurbs looking for affordablecovers. You'll be going where no pickup was intended
housing and safer streets, rural roads are becomingto go, so you'll be hitting plenty of uneven terrain. All
more clogged than a teenager's pores. Thankfully,that rocking while you're rolling will ultimately lead to
there's no more fertile ground for plotting out asome nasty spills, and the only thing worse than a big
stop-and-go free commute than The Sticks. Anytimesmudge of barbeque sauce on your leather
the thoroughfare gets swamped, just pull off theupholstery is sitting in traffic. Happy Trails.
shoulder, drop into 4-wheel drive, and gun it. Don't letChoosing the right resource for car and truck
front yards scare you off, either-gravel can beaccessories can be important and so that you are
re-raked, clothes lines will be found eventually, andnot using your Blackberry whilst driving, I would
mailboxes are always on sale. The only downside torecommend the following: seat covers, Piaa lights and
rough-riding through the mud is that your rig can gettruck mud flaps. - David S.